Rough Start to the Week

So, the week started out pretty rough. I found out that I am not actually Superwomen, that was a bummer! The trip to Florida was tougher on me than I thought it would be. My brain had plans that my body could not keep up with and I paid the price.

I was feeling so crummy physically that I also started feeling bad emotionally. My doctor said that everything I was feeling was normal for someone who recently had major surgery and then tried to keep up with a 4 year old for a day at Disney. (Bottom line, I didn't let myself believe for one second that I couldn't do it because I did not want to disappoint Kaeli. I felt like she went through enough having me in the hospital for 22 days, that I didn't want to cancel the trip we had been talking about since July. My doctor gave the me the okay to go, so that was it for me.) No damage done, just a lesson learned. I am now back to my "toddler" schedule. I walk in the morning, do a few things around the house, rest/nap and try to go to bed early.

I am having a hard time accepting the fact that I can't do everything I want to, when I want to. That I can't push myself. My body can't take it. What made it so frustrating was that my mind was not tired like my body was, my body just did not want to do anything!

I am trying to be a good girl, so I am going to go to bed now.

I am not sure if anyone is still reading my posts, but if you are thanks!

I will try to write about some of the funny stuff that happened on our trip tomorrow. Also, my next onologist appointment is Tuesday, so I'll let you know how that goes.

xxoo Theresa

We're home!

Just a quick update. Kaeli and I arrived home this evening, both healthy. Thank God, and we are praying we stay that way! The trip home, a direct flight, was much less tiring than the trip there with our layover in Atlanta. That wiped me out!

Florida was good. The weather was okay, cold by their standards. Kaeli was still willing to go in the pool though. It was mostly in the 60's. I took a lot of pictures which I will post soon!

It was tiring for me though. Proof that I am still healing. I slept late most days and was able to move at a snails pace-all except the day we took Kaeli to Disney. Liz was a total trooper. She had a fever and still managed to go on all the rides with the kids while I hung out with baby Amelia. I think Liz is amazing!! Even though she was sick, she really looked out for me, not letting me lift things, standing in lines with the kids, etc.

I am counting on all of us being healthy when we visit each other again, whether it be down south or up north. Then I can give her a break, like she gave me. She still feels miserable, but the kids are doing much better.

I am still tooting up a storm. (Wouldn't want to go too many posts in a row without mentioning farts, now that I don't have to sit on the bench and they are such a part of my world! ) Wondering when that will all get back to normal. I will be seeing my oncologist on March 4Th. I'll have a lot of questions for him!!!!!

I'll write more about the trip tomorrow!!
Peace, love and health to you all, Theresa

Florida

Hey everyone, just a very quick update! I am in Florida and everyone is sick! Liz, my cousin, started feeling sick the night we got here. Logan, her son got sick on Wednesday, and the baby got sick today. Kaeli, Bill (Liz's husband) and I are hoping it will pass us over. They have what Logan's doctor says is a flu that is going around. High temp along with throwing up and diarrhea, aches and pains, lasting from 4 to 7 days! I hope that if we do get it, we get it after we are home. I do not want to travel feeling like dirt and I don't want Kaeli to go through that either. So say some prayers that we stay healthy!

We have had a good time. I will give full details when I return!

I miss everyone!! Love, Theresa

Off to Florida!

Happy Valentine's Day! I feel like all of you are my Valentines!

Warning, this post isn't funny like some of the others, I didn't mention farts-oh but I will now. My friend Heather came over today. I warned her that it was a gassy day. When it came I ran to the bathroom to spare her. Unfortunately for her, some followed me out. Heather then said, "No wonder Kurt is sleeping in the basement again!" and then buried her face in a pillow. I hope things get better inside me, I don't want to stink out Liz and the kids!" Sorry, I really thought I was going to have a fart-free post.

So, I am just about packed for our trip to Sarasota. Only Kaeli and I are going. Kurt started a new job in November. He basically took off three weeks when I was first diagnosed, so he didn't want to push it. (Although everyone at the company has been amazing! The owner even called to see how I was doing, to make sure the insurance was taking care of everything and he offered to help with anything he could. ) We are sad that Daddy won't be with us, but that just gives us a good reason to go again.

I bought a cute basket the other day when I went out with my friend Kristin. It has a liner that says Friends. I am using it to hold all the cards and letters that everyone has been sending me. I like going back and reading them, so I will be hanging the basket next to my bed. I plan on keeping up my nightly ritual of reading everyone's kind words before I drift of to sleep. Oh yeah, I now realize how out of it I was right after the surgery. I found a bag of cards that Kurt brought to me at the hospital. I had opened them all, but I didn't remember any of them. So it was a special treat to read them all today!

Kurt gave me a last minute Valentine's Day gift, he took Kaeli to dance class! Yeah!!! That left me alone at home to clean, organize and pack. It felt good to get things done. Of course now I am exhausted. So, I am going to bed. I have a long day of travel ahead, but don't worry. I'll be sitting all day. Sitting in the car on the way to Boston, sitting at the airport, then on the plane, then in Liz's car, and finally in a chair by her pool! I promise to take it easy and take care of myself this week! I will be checking my e-mail, Facebook and I will try to post some highlights from my trip. Kaeli and Logan will be hanging out, so I bet I'll have some good, funny material to share!

I hope you all had a good Valentine's Day. Tell someone you love that you love them, tell that to someone everyday! Life is too short not to spread the love! Thank you to you all for sharing your love with me!
Love, Theresa

Great Find

I browsing in a local gift shop today when I came across a fantastic find! I think it may be safe for people to enter the Gusek household once again! The product is called Poo~Pourri! And their tag line is genius! "Spritz the bowl before you go and no one else will ever know!"
We can all breathe again! Just thought I'd share!

I want to thank everyone who e-mailed me. I really appreciate it and will be responding to you soon! Things have been busy here. I made cookies and my "famous" broccoli pasta for Kaeli's pre-school Valentine's Day party. I also made some treats for my class. I am going into to spend the morning with them tomorrow! I will be getting in touch with all of you soon. Thank you for your patience!

Happy Heart Day! Theresa

Today's Appointment

Happy Birthday Brian! Happy Birthday Dan!

I had a great visit with Dr. Swanson at the Dana Farber Cancer Center today! He is such a wonderful doctor, so personable and patient.
Here is the news-All the gas is normal, oh goody, it will be around for a while. Kurt says he can't take it, it wakes him up in the middle of the night, (the sound and or the smell) so he is going back to sleeping on the couch until it has settled down. I found out today that during my surgery, they removed all 20+ feet of my small intestines and laid them on my chest during the surgery. When it was time to put them back in, they sort of just "stuffed" them back into me. I guess there is no way to neatly replace them, so they are busy settling themselves back in. I know they were angry!
My incision looks beautiful! It has healed very nicely. I am allowed to go swimming when I go to Flordia!! Yeah! At first, they didn't think it would have healed in time. So that is a bonus! My cousin has a pool and Kaeli was looking forward to swimming with me, so I am glad that she won't be disappointed.
I am done giving myself shots! I am so excited! I have been giving myself 3 a day in my stomach and it is one big bruise. It was hard to find a spot that hadn't been poked. I will continue to get one shot a month when I see my oncologist, Dr. Kulke.
I am exhausted, so I am going to take a nap. It was a busy day! Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. I appreciate them all!
Theresa

Upcoming appointment

On Wednesday, I will be going to see my wonderful surgeon, Dr. Swanson. You wouldn't believe all the people that know him and have told me what an amazing man and doctor he is! Just today, my friend Sue asked me who did the surgery and when I told her Dr. Swanson, she told me that he was her father's surgeon 10 years ago and that her mother still goes to see him. She had nothing but fantastic things to say about him! I feel so blessed to have him on my team! He'll be checking out my incision and letting me know how the healing is going. I of course have several questions for him, but I'll get to that later.

Wednesday is also Brian's and Dan's birthday, 2 of the 3 best brothers in the world! Without them, I would not be where I am in all of this. Their love, support, encouragement and belief in me has meant everything to me. They are great brothers and so much fun as you can see from the dance video posted here! Brian, thanks for creating that video and also for posting it. I watch it over and over and I laugh and think of all the fun we had together at all of our wonderful weddings! I am so looking forward to Kelly and Jeff's wedding. Even though we are all getting older and are not as limber as we once were, promise me you'll all get out and tear up the dance floor with me! Kelly, we'll have some song requests, if you and Jeff don't mind!

So, I am doing pretty well all things considered. I can't believe that it has been almost 1 month since the surgery! Remember my story a few posts back about the nightclub? Well let me tell you, all the people got kicked out of the club and onto the streets of New York! It is not pretty! I don't know how much longer Kurt, Kaeli or I, for that matter, can take it! I remember seeing a movie, maybe Seven with Brad Pitt or maybe it was an episode of CSI where a man died from exposure to his own gas. I am telling you, that is threatening to happen here on Sumac circle. My intestines are awake and they are mad! I really have no idea where all this gas is coming from! At least the doctors will be happy! Again, to all of you who find this to be too much information, I am sorry. To all the males and children out there, you are welcome and I hope you are having a good laugh. As Kurt says, farts are funny! I am sure you'd enjoy more details, but I do have and image to maintain! Fart, fart, fart, fart!!! Sorry mom!!! (we had to sit on the bench if we said fart as kids!)

Strange things are going on inside me! It is like there is a whole 'nuther (yes, 'nuther) world that exists in my body. The inhabitants of this world do what they want, when they want! I have no say and definitely no control! The gas is one thing, but there are others as well. It all just feels strange and I was told that it won't feel totally right for at least 1 year! I hesitate to say the word normal because who knows what normal for me even means anymore! When I get used to one strange feeling, it goes away and another takes it's place. Maybe THAT is normal???

I laid low this weekend. I think I pooped myself out last week. I did not take Kaeli to dance on Saturday. I could not stand to witness another class like last weeks! Just the teacher in me! Before Kaeli left, she promised that she would be a good listener, do what the teacher asked, not tell stories to the kids or fool around. I decided that I would choose to believe her. She knows that when daddy takes her, she has nothing to worry about because he won't go near the 2 way mirror where all the mommies stand around chit chatting! She came home and said she was perfect-I believe her! :-)

Saturday night, I ventured out with Kurt and Kaeli to a surprise birthday party for one of my neighbors. It was the first time I wore makeup, curled my hair, and wore something besides sweats and a t-shirt. It felt good to get out looking good! No one would have known anything was different about me, except that I waddle and hold onto my belly. I feel like I have to protect it still. I am like a football player clinging to the ball with one hand with my other hand out in front of me ready to knock out anyone who gets in my way or wants to get at my ball (my belly that is). Not that anyone wants my belly, I just shudder at the thought of anyone bumping into it right now! I hope that feeling passes!
It was good to see friends I hadn't seen in a while and it was good to have had some of them reading this blog. I didn't have to start from the beginning of all this and we could just visit and talk about what is going on now. Again, thanks Mike and Dan for setting this up! You Rock! You Love It!

Sunday was another day of rest. It was the day we went in search of the pain killers. I ran out Saturday morning and didn't realize how much I still really needed them. CVS was out and couldn't get any until Tues. At first I thought that was fine, then my last dose left my body and I realized that it was anything but fine! I called around and Kurt, my fantastic hubby, ventured out to get them for me. My friend Heather and her daughter stopped by for a visit in the afternoon. It was good to have some adult girl time.

Today I let Kaeli play hooky from preschool. She said, "No, mommy, I don't want to get up! Let me sleep just 5 more minutes!" Hmmm... I wonder who she learned that from????? I didn't much feel like making the hour round trip so I let her hang with me today. We cleaned her room, started packing for our trip to Florida, (which my doctor has advised me is an excellent way to speed up the healing-relaxing at my cousin's house while she takes care of me mentally and physically and Kaeli plays all day with her 5 year old buddy, Logan) and then my friend Shelly and her two girls came over for lunch. It was good to be with them. Things feel like they are starting to get back to normal.

Tomorrow I am taking Kaeli to the Rutland Library for our first story hour together! I am so excited! She has only been able to do story hour with daycare and my friends, never me. I am really looking forward to it! I will let you all know how it goes! Not as exciting as the python, but a thrill for me nonetheless! I still need to post that python picture. Actually, if you are on Facebook, go to my profile and look up my pictures. I think Kristin, tagged me in a photo. If you are on Facebook and we are not friends yet, please friend me! If you have not heard from me via Facebook or an e-mail yet, then I do not have your e-mail address. I have tried to get in touch with everyone who has left me a comment. If I didn't get in touch with you yet, please send me your e-mail address, because I really would love to send you your own note. My e-mail is mybabykeg@yahoo.com. (keg is Kaeli Elizabeth Gusek-great initials huh?)

There is something I'd like to share with you. When I met with my oncologist last week, I asked him if there was a chance that someday this cancer could take over one of my organs and kill me. He said yes it could, but that didn't mean it would. I am not telling you this to scare you. I am telling you this because I know that that is not going to happen to me. I don't know how to explain it, but I have faith that I am going to live a very long, long and happy life. One of the reasons I know that is because I have all of you who believe in me, and are praying for me, and sending positive energy my way. I completely believe in the power of prayer and know that it has helped in my healing. I have a positive outlook and KNOW that I will be beating this cancer, it will not beat me! What I would like is to ask all of you who have been praying for me is to continue to do so, please also continue to keep me on the prayer chains you have me on. Keep me in your positive thoughts and send your positive energy my way. I will keep all of you in my prayers, thoughts and will be sending positive energy your way!

Thank you, thank you to all of you! If there is ever anything I can do for you, please let me know! Even though I am recouping, I can be there for anyone who needs me!
Lots of love, Theresa

On my own again!

Well that is not exactly the truth! While my mom did leave today, I still have Kurt and Kaeli here to watch over me. I also have my mother-in-law and friend Bobbi (she is amazing) only a 20 min. ride away and I have many amazing friends and neighbors who are here for me at a moments notice.

I have not really had a good cry since this whole thing came about. I do feel on the verge at times, but the truth of the matter is that I get these horrendous headaches when I cry, and it is not always worth it. I did come pretty close to having an all out cry fest today though when mom left. I did sob a while and it actually felt pretty good. Sorry boys, us girls need to release the tears, just who we are. There never has to even be a reason, remember that. I then distracted myself by cleaning up my area in the TV room-the whole room! Still a ways to go but it is getting there. So much paper work from the past year that I have neglected. I promised Kurt I'd get it done. That would make him happy, that and Harley D's, my simple man.

I then took my afternoon nap. Did I mention I am on a toddler schedule? Some days I feel I need the 2 nap infant schedule, but haven't been able to work that in yet. Then here was the biggie of the day!!!! Ready?? I ventured out on my own for the first time since last year! I just realized that I have not been any where by myself since New Year's Eve Day!!!!! I drove the 20 min. to see my primary care doctor so he could see how I was doing. He said I looked better than he thought I would after having surgery. I guess I don't really understand yet how major it was. I still feel like #$%$@* (kids read this) some days but I know it is all part of healing. I then picked up Kaeli from daycare, oops! preschool, she hates it when I call it daycare!

I made my first meal since last year as well. It consisted of warming up some delicious stew that my friend had made for us, warming up some Jolly Green Guy veggies and tossing potatoes my mother had already boiled in a pan to brown them up for Kurt's homefries. (He put the stew over it. Delicious!) Can I tell you I am tired! Seems like I did so little, but I guess it was a lot.

The highlight of my day yesterday was a spur of the moment visit to my school. It was so awesome to see all my friends. I work with so many amazing women and some pretty great guys too! :-) Everyone was so happy to see me and that gave me the boost I needed knowing that my mom was leaving the next day.

I then got to see my kids! Boy, do I miss them. I will never admit this again, and don't you dare tell them but I think they could turn me to mush right now. I know I am not ready to go back. I loved seeing them and talking to them, but it really tired me out! Don't want them to know they have the ability to do that to me. They know me as the TOUGH BUT FAIR teacher. If they thought I wasn't, they'd have to take advantage-it is their nature! :-) By the way, they also know me as the silly dancing fool teacher. Something I am very proud of! Could you pick me out in the videos?

You can't help but smile when you dance. I think I am going to turn Man Town in my basement into a dance club once a month, anyone want to join me? That would be a hoot!

Alright, it is way past my bedtime. My mom is not here to tell me to go to sleep, so I'll have to do it myself!
Hope you don't mind the randomness that this blog has become. I go to see my surgeon on Tues. Feb.11Th, my brothers Brian and Dan's birthdays. No they are not twins. Just a year apart! He'll let me know how my incision is doing. Right now, it looks like I have 2 belly buttons. After that, I meet with my oncologist March 3rd. So I'll keep you all posted! Lots of love and appreciation for everything and every thought you've sent my way! xxoo Theresa

A little backround info..

For those of you who did not know...
I am the oldest of 5 children. We all love to dance and get the party going at weddings, this was especially true of our own weddings! We had a lot of the same people at our weddings and therefore everyone know the drill. No sitting allowed! Dance, dance, dance!!!!! ( my students think I'm nuts because I dance for and with them too! )You'll see my mom gets into it as well! So the following is a video my brother Brian put together of all our weddings. You'll see that my brothers are the ones with the moves. I love this video and watch it whenever I need to smile!

I did have a big morning yesterday and a very busy day today. Right now I am exhausted, so I am going to take a nap. I will give more info. on my trip to Dana Farber and my big day today, tomorrow. Thanks for hanging with me here on my blog!
:-) Lots of love to you all!

Theresa

Theresa's good news = time to dance!

Tuesday appointment with Oncologist

Theresa had an appointment today with her Oncologist at the Dana Farber institute. She had to get up very early for the appointment, so she is at home resting now. She called me and asked if I would post a quick update while she rested and she promised to sign in and post details a little later.

She said that the appointment went really well. She loves her doctor (this is the first time she has met with him) and she said that the Dana Farber Institute is an outstanding place. Everybody was very nice and very professional, and everything about the place was impressive.

She'll fill everyone in on the details, but the basic message that she got was that she'll be able to live for a long time, even though she'll continue to have the carcinoid tumors. They also feel that they'll be able to control the symptoms of Carcinoid Syndrome with medication. So that's great news!

-Mike

Weekend Adventures!

Hi everyone! My doctor wants me to get regular exercise in the form of getting out of the house and walking so I ventured out some yesterday and today! Here is what my weekend looked like...

Early Saturday morning I got up and typed up an entry for the blog, then hit some button and lost it. So as I do this one, I am saving it every few seconds!

Grandma Pat wanted to see Kaeli at dance class, so we headed out at about 8:30 am. Watching Kaeli for the first 1/2 of her class was pure torture for her mother! She did not stop talking, was talking over the teacher, telling stories about her week, etc. The teacher had to say, "Kaeli, listen." several times. Then when the teacher asked the kids to put there hands up, Kaeli would put hers down, teacher said put them down, Kaeli's went up! I was dying. I wanted to reach through the mirrored glass and tell her to shape up! Luckily, Kaeli decided she had to go pottie, so I got my chance. In the bathroom, I did a little necessary threatening and the rest of the class was a joy to watch. It is such a blessing to have Dunkin D's next to the dance studio! Kaeli will do anything for munchkins! Kaeli has already started learning her routine for June's recital. I was very impressed!

Next, we headed to the beauty salon for Kaeli to get her long locks trimmed. She has informed us that she wants to grow her hair to her "butt". We are trying to avoid that, so it was time to lose a few inches! All turned out well and K loves her new do.

Then we were off to B.J.'s to do some necessary and much over due grocery shopping. It used to take me for ever to do my shopping before this surgery, now it takes forever and a day. Slow, slow, slow is what I am! I tire out quickly. Walking is actually easier for me than just standing. Since they cut through all my ab muscles, stabilizing myself takes a lot of effort! (sorry for the visual to all of you who are squeamish) I fared pretty well. Then we headed off to Roots, the health food store in Leominster for some gluten free food. I am still waiting to find out if I have celiac disease. A few of my doctors think I may not and that all the pain I have been suffering from these past 4 years may have been thanks to the carcinoid not celiac. Until then I want to be safe, not sorry. So I am sticking to a gluten free diet. Finally we got home around 1:00. I could barely stand after such a physical morning, so I went up to my room and took a nap! I am on a toddler schedule. Life is much more enjoyable when I have an afternoon nap!

I couldn't believe it when my mom woke me up to tell me that it was 5:30 and my Aunt Fran, Uncle Dave and cousin Dave were here. I guess I really did wear myself out! It was great to see my relatives! My uncle Dave has the best sense of humor. I know he must have been a big class clown! He had me exercising my tummy muscles with laughter. He recently had shoulder surgery and showed us his impressive (tiny) scar, he had to admit I have him beat with the zipper I have down my belly. (I actually feel like a Build a Bear. Only they open in the back. If I need to have surgery for carcinoid again in the future, they will go through the same incision.) My mom, aunt and uncle were sharing stories from their trip to Ireland a few years ago. The driving, the roads, no road signs. We were all laughing. It was a great time.

Believe it or not, I was still exhausted and was hoping to go to be early. So once dinner was over, Kaeli settle in with gramma, medicine taken, I got into bed at 9pm. Hoping to fall asleep, but it was a no go. Too long a nap I guess. So I call my brother Dan and chatted with him for a while, talked to Steph in Vegas, went on FB and looked at all Mia's new pictures-so cute! Gave myself another shot and finally found that I was ready to doze. I have a new night time routine. One that I cherish. I am only able to have it because of this situation, so I am receiving blessings from this whole thing... I having been getting at least one card or letter in the mail a day since I went into the hospital. I love it! I know I am being spoiled and I do so love it! (thank you, thank you to all of you for each and every thing you do for me, whether it be prayers, note, posts, food, thoughts, calls, they all mean so much!) back to what I do.. I do not open the cards or letters until bedtime. It is the last thing I do before I fall asleep, I read in peace and quite and fully get to enjoy my notes.

So after I read letters, I finally fell asleep around midnight!

I really miss school, my friends and the kids, but yesterday made me realize that I am not physically ready to go back! I do plan on going back in March. My doctor says I will be ready by then. I meet with my oncologist on Tuesday. There will be tests and other things I'll need to do before I return to work. I will probably be making frequent trips into Boston to Dana Farber.

So my body is feeling different everyday. I have different pains and muscle aches and am still taking my pain killers. The doctor/nurses still want to know about all the gas! I was telling Dan last night that my intestines are like a New York city nightclub at midnight. It is completely full, no one is leaving and everyone is slam dancing, rocking the place. Every thing building up but not yet going anywhere. Kurt however insists that it does go somewhere in the middle of the night when I sleep. Fine with me, I feel better in the morning. :-)

I have more to tell you! Today's adventure includes Kaeli riding an elephant with Uncle Mike, Caden and Delaney. Holding a python and having Lucky the dog visit. However it is time for me to spend some quality time with Keali before she goes to bed. I am not even going to proof read this! Ugh... my inner control freak is not happy about that!!!!!! I will continue this tonight or tomorrow!

PLEASE, I DO NOT HAVE EVERY ONE'S E-MAIL. IF YOU THINK THAT I DO NOT HAVE YOURS, PLEASE SEND IT TO ME AT MYBABYKEG@YAHOO.COM!!!! At some point, I want to contact each and every person who has taken the time to reach out to me and give me comfort during this crazy time in my life. So send me your e-mail, phone numbers or address. Something that will allow me to respond to you! Thank you, thank you for reading this and keeping up with me! I feel so NOT alone! With love, Theresa